Respecting Your Husband the Proverbs 31 Way

If you’re married, respecting your husband like the Proverbs 31 Woman doesn’t have to be difficult … but it does need to be intentional.

Which came first: the chicken or the egg?

And in Proverbs 31:23, which came first: a husband or a well-respected man?

As Proverbs 31:23 says, “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.”

My question is this: Was the Proverbs 31 Woman’s husband a man worthy of respect when they got married? Did she choose a husband wisely? (Or have her husband wisely chosen for her?)

Or did her husband change into a well-respected man during their marriage?

We’ll never know for sure, but we do know that during their marriage he was a man who was respected by many.

If you're married, respecting your husband like the Proverbs 31 Woman doesn't have to be difficult. But it DOES need to be intentional.

Love and respect

If you’ve studied biblical marriage, you know that husbands need respect from their wives. As Ephesians  5:33 instructs, “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Just as women need love, men need respect. And as a husband feels respected by his wife, he will begin to live in such a way that he is worthy of respect.

(Try it. If you’re feeling frustrated with your marriage, first pray about your husband and your relationship with him. Ask the Lord to help you respect your husband … and then start respecting him with your words and actions. A transformation may not happen overnight, but you’ll be amazed with the results.)

As you respect your husband and he becomes respectable, others will notice the change, too. His behavior through his actions and words will be worthy of respect.

Others will watch your respect-filled attitude and behavior, too. As you become a woman worthy of honor and respect, they’ll take note.

If you’re married, respecting your husband like the Proverbs 31 Woman doesn’t have to be difficult.

When your husband isn’t worthy of respect

Just as the Bible includes the Proverbs 31 Woman’s respectable marriage, the Bible also tells about the very different marriage of Abigail and her husband Nabal.

As 1 Samuel 25 recounts, “Now the name of the man was Nabal, and the name of his wife Abigail. The woman was discerning and beautiful, but the man was harsh and badly behaved.”

When David was passing by Nabal and Abigail’s property, he guarded all that Nabal had in the wilderness, so he sent his men and asked for favor. Nabal refused.

David was offended that Nabal was returning evil for good, so he told his men to strap on their swords for retribution. Abigail’s servants told her about the situation and she took matters into her own hands.

Abigail hurried and presented David with gifts (two hundred loaves and two skins of wine and five sheep already prepared and five seahs of parched grain and a hundred clusters of raisins and two hundred cakes of figs) and apologized to David. He accepted her apology and spared her household.

When Abigail returned home, Nabal was holding a feast and was drunk, so she didn’t tell him what happened with David. “In the morning, when the wine had gone out of Nabal, his wife told him these things, and his heart died within him, and he became as a stone. And about ten days later the Lord struck Nabal, and he died.” (1 Samuel 25:37-38)

After Nabal’s death, David took Abigail to be his own wife.

Why ever Abigail married Nabal, we’ll never know. We do know she had to deal with her badly behaved husband. Even when he wasn’t worthy of respect, she still wisely tried to correct his mistakes. She may not have done it with the utmost respect (in verse 25, Abigail tells David, “Let not my lord regard this worthless fellow, Nabal, for as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name, and folly is with him.”) but she did work hard to protect their household.

Even if your husband isn’t worthy of respect now, keep doing respectable things. And keep praying. You never know what may happen … God may hand him over to the folly of his ways like Nabal, or He may change him into a respectable man.

If you’re married, respecting your husband like the Proverbs 31 Woman doesn’t have to be difficult.

A wife’s influence

As you treat your husband with respect and as you patiently pray for him, look for changes over time. (I’m not talking about days or weeks … but years.)

As I think of the power of a wife’s influence on her husband, I think of the humorous tale of a woman and her mayor husband:

As they’re driving around town, they happen to pass by the wife’s ex-boyfriend, who works as a garbage collector.

“If you would have married him,” the mayor says, “you would be the wife of a garbage man … NOT a mayor.”

“If I would have married him,” the wife retorts,” HE would have been mayor.”

Instead of wondering what comes first – a husband or a well-respected man – we need to be more concerned about how we are helping our husbands and treating them with respect. As wives, we need to use our influence for good.

If you’re married, respecting your husband like the Proverbs 31 Woman doesn’t have to be difficult.

Searching for peace?

If you focus on all the messiness of life and relationships, it can be easy to believe that peace is impossible.

Yet you can experience peace in the middle of any situation. Really! Over the next week, Hilary Bernstein will email you each day with a Bible verse about peace, a brief devotional to help you hide it in your heart, and a printable.
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When it comes to respecting your husband, how are you doing?

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Searching for peace?

If you focus on all the messiness of life and relationships, it can be easy to believe that peace is impossible.

Yet you can experience peace in the middle of any situation. Really! Over the next week, Hilary Bernstein will email you each day with a Bible verse about peace, a brief devotional to help you hide it in your heart, and a printable.
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  1. This is something I confess I’ve neglected lately. It is so easy to get busy with the doing- caring for kids, keeping the home running, making sure my husband has meals and clean clothes… when the most important way I can show love to my husband is by speaking respectful words that build him up. Thanks for the reminder! The Lord has been hammering this out to me in many ways lately…

  2. Please put cautions in for women, who want to be righteous and Christian in the relationship, especially in regards to their husbands, when the husband is repeatedly harmful. I’ve had one friend murdered, one friend nearly murdered, and several other friends injured repeatedly (physically, emotionally, financially, sexually), by their spouse, who they try to see through “Christ’s eyes”. Too many of them remained silent for too long, not wanting to be disrespectful, or judging, or “giving up on love”. When, when does a woman, save herself, and set a good example for her children, by leaving the marriage?

    1. No one says anything about staying with a harmful person. I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that any post noting Proverbs31 as a guide is helping wives deal with pride in a wife who could be resentful of a disrespectful or difficult personality or unmet expectations. This teaching is meant to help those of us who may feel such things to suck it up in less words then many. I hope you and others find peace. I know I have as I eNt to do something about my situation, I have chosen to respect him. Although not perfect, I am trying to remember that by allowing God to humble me in every step He gives me toward a better marriage.

    2. I’m sorry, Corinne, but this post definitely was not meant for wives in abusive marriages. If a wife is in danger, she needs to seek professional help immediately.

    3. There are not enough posts on the web supporting women in abusive marriages. Posts like this might be accurate for women in healthy, loving marriages, but it does make it confusing for women who aren’t in those kinds of marriages. An abused woman may feel guilt for wanting to leave, or like she’s failing God, or will be unlovable if she divorces.

      There is a definite point where the best decision that a woman can make for herself and her family is to leave. I think each woman has to decide what that point is, but should also feel the freedom to make that choice free of condemnation. God hates divorce, but He does not hate the divorced.

      Thank you for being bold enough to stand up for women who aren’t afforded what we consider basic human rights of kindness and love.

    4. I would advise any woman who is an abusive man to call the police and leave. God made a wife to help her husband, not as a punching bag for his sinful ways! When a woman stays with a man who abuses her she condones his sin. Her children will suffer trauma from the violence within that home, and who knows what evil will come into the home as the result of his sin? Such a husband brings destruction on the entire families head. You can be sure that he will not allow the children to be raised godly and will berate the wife in front of the the children. Worse, he may abuse the children and they will fault their mother for failing to protect them. No woman should tolerate any abuse whatsoever from their husbands. A good majority of them are reprobates and don’t want to change. They are NOT Christian men and God is not pleased with them.

      Women had better start studying the bible, the AKJV 1611 for themselves so that they know what to look for in a godly man. 1 John is a book about love and tells you how to tell a Christian from a false teacher. Men do not become abusive overnight it was always there. Learn to recognize the marks of a reprobate (see Romans 1). Humanistic psychology calls them “sociopaths”or psychopaths.

    5. ‘Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for it.’ Eph 5 22-33 The Bible never said allow your husband to hurt you. If a man is HURTING his wife then it should become clear she needs to leave. I will point out that alot of folks use examples such as these to further bash men (as if that were possible these days). I’m not implying you are. I’m simply stating a matter of fact. Also worth noting: over 50% of domestic violence (battery) today is committed by women upon men and when asked why the answer given by one woman was, “…because I can. No one cares when women hit men.” #fyi

    6. It took me 24 year to save myself way too long. I prayed and it was a rollercoaster marriage. I had 3 beautiful children with this man. Wasted to many years of my life.

  3. Wow .. I am sure you have great intentions with your marriage posts, but why are you advising women to respect men that don’t have respect for them? I disagree strongly with trying to “correct” your husband’s behavior or mistakes. Husbands are grown adults, and their wives are not their mothers and should not be teaching them basic respect for others. Yes, people make mistakes .. and communication in a marriage is important, perhaps the most important thing, as is forgiveness, but this article seems to be about more than forgiving occasional or even a one time transgression. It seems to be about keeping quiet and accepting on-going treatment that is not in line with the golden rule. Women should not be asked or encouraged to sacrifice their own needs and accept sub-par treatment in the name of “respecting” their spouse, hoping that one day they will come around and treat them with the same kind of “respect”. I don’t usually comment on things like this but I couldn’t read this article and not say something.

    1. I’m sorry that I’m having a hard time following your comment, Jennifer, since this post isn’t about keeping quiet or accepting ongoing treatment that is not in line with the golden rule.

      Since the golden rule is to do to others what you would have them do to you, it seems logical that a wife who is looking for respect should respect her husband. By showing respect and praying, a lot can change. I’ve watched it happen in my own marriage. I’ve watched it happen in my parents’ marriage. I’ve read about it in past reader comments.

      If you are in an abusive relationship – whether it’s emotionally or physically abusive – you need to seek professional help. But for wives who are struggling with a basic respect for their husbands, I stand by my advice.

    2. Women are instructed to respect their husbands, husbands are to love their wives (Ephesians 5). You seem to believe there is an implied symmetry, but that is your word not His. It says husbands must love his wife, not respect.

      1. Love is a greater command than respect. in fact Love encapsulates respect. your attempt to mince words has failed

    3. How would DISRESPECTING him help the situation? Abuse is entirely another topic, and not including in what I am saying here. Nobody deserves or needs to tolerate abuse, in any form – yet I have SEEN women claim emotional abuse only to justify their own affairs and divorce only to pursue their own fleshly desires. I sincerely agree that there should be MUTUAL respect, and sometimes respecting a man does mean BEING his helpmate and respecfully encouraging him to seek God and His design for marriage and the way he should be treating his wife. Sometimes we need to communicate that we feel disrespected. We, as people, change all throughout our lives so the way we percieve respect, or lackthereof, can change as well. Marriage is never “easy”. Jesus loved the church and gave himself up for “her”, was that easy?? Jesus was God and man all in one person. He was perfect, men (humans) are not. We ALL fall short, we are ALL susceptible to sin, we ALL should be showing love as God does, seeking Him first, and OBEYING HIM. We are not perfect, as Jesus was, yet as we pursue Him, His word, His Will, His purpose for our lives. Keeping quiet is NOT respectful. Communication is definately very important. We all have feeling/emotions as we are made in His image. Sometimes, as imperfect people, we do not react or communicate well while in our feelings. That is where grace comes in. “Love covers a multitude of sins”. Dont’ keep quiet, call sin what it is. In marriage we become one flesh, and need to work together to eradicate sin in our lives as much as possible. Love, pray, communicate, show grace, show respect even when you disagree (not saying to tolerate abuse – as we are all equally valuable to God).

      1. I’m a man I do everything for my wife cook clean bring her supper pay bill work 10 hours a day put a 4 bedroom house for us to have I have both my grandkids after my daughter passed away an my almost did too but I’m called all kind of names from the b word to the n word I’m no good that’s why I do everything split my money in half an then she treats me bad we have been together over 18 yrs an never once have I disrespected her or our marriage I have to actually hope an pray that she wants too prepare a meal I work hard I provide I married her thinking I. God eyes she would be there for but instead I married a demon all she wants is money an food no joke at all if I’m not giving I’m not right but all she wants

        What do I do I’m lost I can’t keep doing this she killing me

  4. After reading the comments and now several of your articles in the past 20 minutes or so…..

    I think sometimes readers should express common sense. God is never intending, nor approving of, female abuse. The Bible, in being a better person, is never to condone abuse… and Jesus tells us in the Bible that Moses permitted husbands and wives to divorce for reasons of immorality (which I feel abuse and adultery fall under) and hardness of heart. Jesus says it hasn’t always been this way, but that Moses allowed it.

    That said, Proverbs 31 isn’t about instances in which we should be run over, abused, cheated on, and end in divorce. In fact, Proverbs 31 as a whole isn’t about marriage. It is about being a good woman – a Godly woman, and a few verses…. 6 actually…. talk about how a woman treats her family.

    I agree with this article whole-heartedly. If one is ever in a situation in which they feel threatened, cheated on, or abused – LEAVE. But, don’t use this chapter as a reason to stay. And, don’t use this chapter as an excuse, either. Chatpers of the Bible can be studied, but can only be used for their intention. There are other verses for hardships and moral questions. This isn’t one of them, and I think readers need to keep this in mind.

      1. It can be tricky. I am currently separated from my husband due to ongoing emotional, mental, & some physical abuse. My health has plummeted as a result of all the stress. I believe in working for a good marriage but I too am at the point of like…what is a girl to do?? At what point is enough enough!!? I carry so much guilt for making the decision to move out but I believe it was at that point…you know, THAT point. The one where I become another victim of a fight gone too far. (I also, like Corinne have lost a beautiful sister to this type of man) ???? But he (my husband) says he is so very sorry and he is going to Christian men’s groups, he’s trying. I’m his fourth wife. This is my second marriage. It hasn’t even been 1 year that we’ve been married. We are both christians, we’ve been seeing marriage Counsellers the entire relationship, we read books on marriage. I mean…what to do?? :) but I will say, as much as this stinks & is so heartbreaking!!…I have peace in my heart. God has a plan.


        1. Oh, Stefani. I am so sorry! But you are right. God does have a plan. I’ll be praying that through the counseling and books you’ll be able to come to a decision that honors God and keeps you safe.

          1. When these things happen and I am not defending any abusing jerks, but when he ever struck you was it ever a result of constant disrespect because my wife has really had to work on this part of our marriage as literally every man in her family has either openly had affairs or was caught red handed. Or in my brother in law’s case red Shirt(ed) lol😁😁. Anyways I digress and I’m only saying this because it took me every ounce of strength I had when she would spit out wicked, awful, disrespectful words. Yes her actions speak loudly but those words pierced me more than the bullet that once struck me in my brain when I was shot. Miracle I’m still here walking and talking but I got through that quicker and stronger than I could have ever gotten through those times. Eventually even though I had sold them all my life and never felt any desire at all to touch them when I was in my thirties I looked for relief and whaddya know I became someone who wouldn’t and shouldn’t be what you would call respected. Now I don’t sell nor use them but dancing with that devil definitely has somehow scarred me mentally and I feel hounded by these demons all the time and the only real relief is an absolute, concrete belief that G-d is by me, walking with me always and is watching over me or having angels watch over me. I should have been decreased and sentenced to a long prison sentence several times in my life and every time some miracle of what can really only be described as Divine intervention has miraculously saved me. Eventually I had a moment of clarity and just realized that she’s clearly insecure, a little jealous (I have never had or even understood that emotion) and works hard, has stuck by me through thick and thin and the calmness and words from the Torah was what was really needed and it shined a really clear obvious light on the problem. Good things always take time but I’ve been clean for almost 5 years and with G-d’s rules from the Torah I now own my own carpet business which is currently rated the highest on Angie’s list, home advisor and thumbtack in my city and surrounding areas. Still working through her problem with that but I had to use every ounce of my strength and self control to not only stop myself from putting my hands on her but also somehow, someway not break down emotionally, calm down and shine a light on what makes her say stuff like that then follow through talking to a Rabbit and reading scripture. Yet I do understand there are some men who no matter what you do they will always hit their wife or girlfriend. In that case I don’t know your situation but get rid of him fast and don’t waste any time because you should respect yourself enough to know for an absolute fact that you should be treated better than that and you don’t deserve to live in fear.

            1. Mike Lomez much respect 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🙏🏼 Torah is what helped me and my husband as well.

        2. I’m most definitely putting this in the wrong place but I want to clarify that I meant to type Rabbi and not rabbit. I’m not that crazy but boy those disrespectful words nearly worked me into a psychological breakdown and psychotic uncontrollable rage. Again as I’ve said it’s nothing but miracle after miracle for me. Thank you 🙂

          1. I much preferred to think of you talking to a rabbit. This made me laugh out loud. I’m still laughing.

  5. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. Pr 31:23

    It does not say that the Proverbs 31 woman respected her husband; I CERTAINLY AGREE THAT’S IMPLIED, but that’s not the focus of Proverbs 31:23. According to Pr 31:23, who respected her husband? The people at the gates.

    Besides being part of a city’s protection against invaders, city gates were places of central activity in biblical times. The elders (who were generally men in a patriarchal society) made important business transactions, held court and made public announcements at the city gates.

    The husband described in Pr 31: 23 is a man like Job. Job was respected at the gates and sat among the elders of the land (Job 29:7). Job was respected at the gates because of HIS OWN ACTIONS. He assisted the poor and orphans. He helped those without hope. Everything he did was honest. He served as eyes for the blind and feet for the lame. He was a father to the poor. He broke the jaws of godless oppressors. People listened to his advice. We know what it means for a man to be respected AT THE GATES (publicly) because Job demonstrated that for us.

    Should a wife respect her husband? Absolutely. Eph 5:33 tells us that a wife should respect her husband. However, Pr 31:23 isn’t talking about the husband being the recipient of the wife’s respect. It’s talking about the husband being respected by the people at the gates. In the Old Testament, male elders were respected at the gate because of how they behaved, carried themselves and performed their duties. It had little to do with their wives. For example, Job’s wife was not a virtuous woman, yet that had no bearing on Job’s actions and the respect that earned at the gates because he was a man of integrity.

    Unlike Job, Nabal was not respected at the gates. Nabal was known for his evil, foolish behavior. Nabal’s outrageous behavior was not Abigail’s fault. There’s a lot of propaganda out there that suggests that it’s a wife’s responsibility to make sure that her husband is respected at the gates, but that’s unfounded. It’s not a wife’s duty to make sure that her husband is respected in the gates; like Job, that’s a man’s own responsibility. WIVES SHOULD RESPECT THEIR HUSBANDS LIKE THE BIBLE COMMANDS. However, whether that man is respected at the gates is totally up to him, and it depend on how he behaves, carries himself and performs his duties at the gates. Will he be a Job at the gates? or Will he be a Nabal at the gates? That’s ultimately HIS decision.

    1. The husband is respected by others at the gate as a RESULT of his wife’s conduct. A virtuous woman who fears the Lord is BLESSED and the fruit of her hands is blessed. As a wife she respects her husband, raises godly children, manages the affairs of the home, uses her time wisely, is industrious. She builds her husband and her children up, her words are few but wise because she fears the Lord. She is not a maid, or a slave or an object. She is kind, and helps the poor. She never speaks badly about her husband or shames him in public or private. Her husband has confidence in her abilities. He trusts her because she is a willing servant of the Lord.

      If you consider yourself a Christian and see that the marriage relationship is a type of the relationship between Christ and his church, you will see the correlation. As Christians, our conduct can either bring glory to the Lord or bring shame to his name. Our conduct will either cause Him to be “known in the gate” or scorned.

      A wife has a responsibility to the Lord to conform herself to the image of Christ by the daily renewing of her mind and obedience – just as a man does. A husband is commanded to love his wife as Christ loves the church…it is a sacrificial love. Marriage is a relationship that takes much selflessness on the part of both the husband and wife. Christ died for us while we were yet unlovable. I do not see the author telling anyone to put up with abuse of any kind. Your husband may not be worthy of respect but if you want to save your marriage, the way to do it is to obey the Lord. He can then work through you to bring about the needed change for your husband and marriage. The same applies for a husband.

      Neither is the husband in Proverbs 31 to be compared to Job. This proverb is about the characteristics that are best suited to Gods purpose and the needs of a godly man and encourages Christian men to value virtue over mere physical beauty. How many men choose women of low moral character because of their external beauty? How many of these foolish men chose to marry them and found themselves to be laughingstocks by those “at the gate” because of the disgraceful conduct of their wives? The Proverbs 31 woman is a “crown” to her husband while all else is “rottenness to his bones”.

      The bible (the AKJV 1611) does indeed “say” that the Proverbs 31 woman respects her husband and she is the reason he is known in the gates. It is made clear in all that she DOES.

    2. I think you’re confusing two different kinds of respect. The respect in the gates is a result of a position and a history in the community. His position, his standing in the community. Where wives are instructed to respect their husband, it is instruction for helping them live their lives, and their marriage. And the big part of it is, it doesn’t have to be earned – as a good example, consider the military, we’re not all superiors are worth saluting, but people learn quickly that you salute the uniform, you salute that person’s position and responsibility, even if they’re not living up to it, because they have been placed there by a superior Authority. Anything less is chaos, and chaos begins to cause death if it progresses. (Husbands are commanded to love, because they don’t love naturally. They respect naturally, so don’t have to be commanded for that. Women tend to love naturally, but respect seems to come harder to them, so they need to be instructed to do so in the New Testament. We don’t need to be instructed to do stuff that comes naturally…)
      And in the military, there are orders that are uncomfortable, or difficult, or confusing, or sometimes even wrong. But in the proper chain of command, legal orders are followed. And Authority is recognized and respected, even if the person inside the uniform doesn’t deserve it. Doesn’t make it easy sometimes, but it does work, sometimes under incredibly stressful conditions….. Salute the uniform, even if you can’t salute the person individually.

  6. Thank you for teaching on godly truths. Keep up the great work. God’s word is ALWAYS true despite our opinions. Every answer to the problems we face can be found if we are seeking the Lord for wisdom. Keep up the great work!

  7. Sometimes, women need to exercise common sense. Nowhere in this post di Hilary say that women in abusive relationships should continue in that sort of situation. This post is about the proverbs 31 woman and her character. I believe that what Hilary meant by husbands who don’t respect their wives was geared more toward the little everyday matters like not paying attention when the wife is speaking, not providing as he should, those sorts of things, not physical or emotional violence.
    As women of God, our first duty is to the Lord, husbands come second. As long as we are in a relationship with God, He will nudge us in the right direction. He gave us the ability to use common sense and the instinct for self preservation.
    Hilary writes these posts with that in mind, I believe. I completely agree with this article and am working on it with my husband. I don’t have a woman that I can go to to get solid Biblical advice, so Hilary is my mentor. I know she would never lead anyone down a wrong or dangerous path.

  8. Scripture says that a man is better to live on the eave of a rooftop than with a unjust wife, which includes nagging,belittling,disrespectful,etc… God commands he gave no woman authority of any man. Now THERE IS NOTHING GOD CANT DO but you have to go to him without any hesitation and the woman described in proverbs gave God the burden that alot of women these days that claim to be Godly won’t or refuse to do this woman in Proverbs didn’t get frustrated when her husband’s heart didn’t change immediately she stayed faithful in God. People men and women both today are so spoiled by instant results and some feel this sort of entitlement and if we don’t get our way right now we go right back to self defense mode or well I guess I gotta put him/her In their place myself. I’m gonna get back to this subject specifically Women have become so headstrong by all the magazines,t.v. shows,friends that are not Godly examples giving “advice” and putting the right knowledge of every woman has a voice and doesn’t have to put up with being disrespected and 99% of these women saying this stop right there or finish saying stand up for yourselves it’s your God given right.Well I can guarantee that these who say those things are not walking with God the Creator otherwise they wouldn’t be speaking these things that inject confusion into other women’s hearts and minds. This is how it introduces confusion which in turn breeds the disrespectful woman or gives an already disrespectful woman affirmation that she is entitled to act on impulse and human emotion and then they say If he can dish it he can take it or similar ignorant and farther from God’s commandments of women’s position to her husband and how by her words she can harden his heart but by her Godliness she can get his heart changed by God. If a woman is honors her husband thru his transgressions and iniquities (not condoning his actions) but surely not condemning or chastising him either and prays while staying steadfast in faith that God has her husband and is moving in him mostly she keeps her position that God commands as a wife she will get the results she prayed for ” she called out to her husband and said My Lord” and God heard her say this to her husband and he was pleased and she was found to be just by God and she found favor in God. My grandmother and grandfather were Christians and loved each other and respected each other but it wasn’t always the case not for my paw-paw he was a honky tonker that drank and got drunk in the bars or in the house and when he would if my nanny tried to stop him from leaving drunk not forcefully just outta love and not wanting paw paw to get hurt,kill someone in a wreck,go to jail etc….or would try to reason with him about his alcoholism she would get hit sometimes not just once and no not every case is gonna be the same but she put God first paw paw very close at second my dad and my aunt their 2 kids together and my other 2 aunts and uncle which were from my paw paws 1st marriage 3rd and herself last not in the last as in low self esteem or respect but because God said pray for others before you even pray for yourself and they were married for almost 50 years when paw paw passed away a very changed man who adored her and loved her and respected her and put her 2nd only to God not because he prayed for change but because he didn’t know she did and she didn’t harden her heart and retaliate when she didn’t see change the next morning or month or year just stayed faithful to God. See that’s why it’s said I’m not there yet but God is working on me God can snap his fingers and turn a person without a doubt but that is like doing everything for your kid and never letting them fail or learn or have any form of responsibility in turn they never take responsibility for their behaviors because they don’t know what that is. God worked on paw paw by using the person who prayed for him and honored him and Glorified God and pleased God by letting her pride and human nature of getting hurt by someone and thinking if they felt how I felt it would stop them from doing that. God showed his mercy and his almighty power by paw paw seeing my nanny not as an advisory or an enemy against him and by my nanny being stubborn toward the flesh and rebellious against the powers of the dark and the Principalities of evil and resting the temptation of the Devil to strike back with anger in her words or actions he took his last drink of alcohol finally and smoked his last cigarette and walked out of the bar one last time and when he raised his walking cane up and told her get outta my way I’m going back to the bar I said she said I told you the last time you hit me was gonna be the last time and she took his cane and wore him out never had she ever even raised her voice to him in a manner of demanding respect and when he sobered up the next day that was his last time having to sober up God uses people throughout the Bible to get attention from his children,restore order amongst his people,to show he is real and his capabilities of changing a heart hardened sinner but mostly of his Grace and love and mercy but if she would’ve prayed to God for paw paw to see his shortcomings and his bitterness and his struggle with alcohol and to help heal them as she knew they had become as 1 flesh being in marriage and said God I give it to you like you have commanded us to do with all our burdens but she had an expected date of this coming to fruition and whenever it would happen again or something similar not as intense as before she lashed out and fought back with evil intent and anger in her eyes and heart toward my paw paw this guy telling this story probably wouldn’t even exsist. So yes abuse especially physical abuse is wether by the man or the woman is never acceptable behavior I totally disagree with the women/ men in these comments especially the women who are saying if he hits you just once then get out if he cheats just once run that is the same as the women I mention in the beginning of my post see they are correct that women have the right to be heard and respected and have a right to get that this is where they get excited and powerful in their emotions and they get an elevated tone in their voice and they get heavy with their words and say even if you gotta demand him to respect you and change his behavior or your not gonna be around much longer you gotta stand up to him put your foot down and tell him I won’t allow you to continue this way and that is where they leave or say goodnight or thanks for watching the show etc… leaving other women who are in that situation with the idea that she can by displaying the same thing she is upset about disrespectful behavior which is the #1 need outside of God that a man has to have from his wife is RESPECT and that was placed in our genetic design by God he created us to need respect and women’s #1 outside of God is Security to know that she is protected by her husband and he is providing the necessary things for the safety and protection of her and their family next is communication women need to talk and be heard by their husband’s and in turn need him to communicate back so she again it’s sorta security she wants to know she is apart of his life outside of marriage and the walls of the house next is non sexual connection or contact just loving contact hugs,small kisses, holding hands it shows that she is not just an object of lust so in closing God basically commands respect for the man if you expect to get your needs met in return if it’s just the opposite and she is respectful of her husband and he is not holding his commandments from God for his wife then it’s God who issues hands out the consequences of his disobedience not the wife and if the case is both husband and wife firing off at each other both are retaliating back and forth than the Devil has convinced each of them that the other is the enemy and holding each other back from their needs and that is clearly the sign of a Godless marriage.Pray for each other people as Jesus commands us to do even our enemies and especially for our Christian brothers and sisters in Christ that we and they can resist Satan’s temptations and blind ourselves of this world and focus on our relationship with God and his son our Savior Yeshua Jesus Christ
    God Bless You All and God Bless those struggling with these and any other issues that they may find peace and justice and mercy and grace in Our Father God and Jesus Our One True Lord and Savior

  9. Women have such an incredibly hard time showing any respect to men. They will make every excuse and find every way around it like a rebellious teenager. Over and over again great teachers have instructed women to unconditionally respect their husbands and people in general. Women see this as giving men more power they don’t need or deserve. It is when women learn to have respect that they will have more power and gain more love. Respect is the air that Love breathes. You can’t and shouldn’t expect any love without first showing respect. Showing respect breathes life into love. FIRST comes respect and the rest will follow.

  10. I’ve spent years and years and years of our marriage being careful to show my husband the utmost respect, I’ve learned not to ever say a disparaging word about him even to my closest friends in confidence, only in prayer to God. 21 years into our marriage and I just found out in addition to cheating on me repeatedly and using pornography throughout our marriage, he also hired a prostitute. The cheating and the pornography I can forgive (with much prayer) but the prostitute…feeding in to the sex trade…I lost all respect for him, and I don’t know how to get back to a place where I can respect him again, if I ever can. What do you do in that situation?

    1. Oh, Christine. I’m so very sorry! What a heartbreaking, life-changing situation for you. I don’t blame you for losing respect … while you faithfully respected him, he was the one to break his vows and disrespect you and your marriage. Biblically, it’s grounds for divorce. As Jesus taught in Matthew 5: 31-33, “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Also, in Matthew 19:9, “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” Again, I’m so sorry for all you’re going through!

  11. Are you suggesting that a wife needs to manipulate her husband by pretending to respect him? Why do you suggest a wife should “continue to do RESPECTABLE things” and not say “Continue to show respect”?
    When a wife constantly says, “I love you.” to her husband, she is expecting him to respond by saying, “I love you, too.” In reality, what she is saying is. “I love the way I feel when you say you love me.” When was the last time you walked up to your husband and said, “I respect you.” or, “I want to honor you.”
    God didn’t give you to your husband because the man needed another judge or critic, deciding what needed to be changed in him.
    Love is NOT what we say. Love is NOT what we feel. Love is what we DO. The same goes for RESPECT. A thin pretense at respect comes across as contempt.
    The Apostle Paul did not tell men to ACT like they love their wives. If you can’t muster the courage to tell your husband that you respect him because of what modern culture has done to you, then don’y expect the Lord Jesus to fall for your phony worship.

  12. Thank you Hilary for this article. I strive to be a Christlike man, and as such a respectable man. Please pray for me. My wife dishonors me with her words, even when I’m trying to lead the family through the scriptures.

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