When You Hate Your Home
You won’t love every single place you live. So how can you deal with your everyday life when you hate your home?
Just because you have a home, it doesn’t mean you have a home sweet home. In fact, it’s very possible you hate the home you’re living in right now.
- Something terrible might have happened in your home and you can’t stop rehashing the memories.
- You may feel suffocated by loss while you’re in your home.
- Maybe you’re living with such strained relationships that they’ve tainted your entire home experience.
- You might have been forced to move from a home you loved into your current home – and now all you can feel is hurt and resentment.
So what do you do?
Seasons of endurance
I know that you can’t always live in a home sweet home. I’ve been there.
When I was single and supporting myself on a meager journalism salary, I just didn’t have the budget to rent a nice apartment. So I lived where I could afford – and those places were anything but the greatest apartments.
I nicknamed one of my homes my “Munchkin apartment” because it had slanted ceilings that were 6 feet tall at the peak. (Good thing I’m short!) When I moved in, that tiny place reeked of cigarette smoke, had burn marks of cigarettes in the middle of the kitchen linoleum, and had a harvest gold oven and avocado green refrigerator.
I think my mom might have cried when she first saw where I’d be living. If not, she probably should have. But, it was all I could afford. The worst part of living there, though, was dealing with the loneliness of being single – and living with a cautious fear of all my male neighbors since I was young, single, and all by myself.
Ten years later, when I was a wife and mother, I dealt with a lot of disappointment and discouragement when my husband and I had to sell the house that we loved so we could relocate for a job. Because we both had been downsized, a new job ensured we could feed our children.
But when we moved from our modest three bedroom home to a tiny two bedroom apartment, I hated it. It didn’t feel like second best. It felt unendurable.
For 14 months, I raised a 2-year-old and 6-month-old feeling trapped. Hopeless. Hating how cramped everything was and never feeling like I had room or contentment to just enjoy my family.
The day we discovered my husband had a new job offer and we were delivered out of that city, I dropped to my knees and cried tears of joy as I praised and thanked the Lord. After feeling oppressed and trapped for more than a year, I finally felt free – and hopeful that we could find a new home to love.
When you hate your home
When you’re there in the unbearable place of tolerating where you live because you have to, what do you do?
Positive thinking won’t help solve anything. When your friends tell you it can’t be that bad – but you know that, for you, it is – it’s almost impossible to look on the bright side.
The one and only thing I can suggest is to pray.
- Pray for contentment.
- Pray for peace.
- Pray for a better attitude.
- Pray for a new home.
- Pray for deliverance.
- Pray for healing for your spirit and strained relationships.
- Pray and thank God for this opportunity to rely on Him.
- Pray to learn what the Lord is trying to teach you.
The Lord will work and help you through. And as He does – and you’re waiting in this place – remember that this world is not your home. (I like how the New Living Translation sums up Hebrews 13:14: “For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.”)
He’s the only one who fully knows the desires – and disappointments of your heart. And He’s the only one who can truly help.
As you put your hope and trust in God, watch how He develops your endurance. He may bring you to a new home here on earth, or He may not. You may not have the home sweet home you’ve dreamed of, but through it all, He will be with you. He is enough.
Wish you had any other home than the one you’re in? You NEED to read Erica Layne’s 9 Things to Love About Your Lived-In, Imperfect Home.
Do you hate your home? Have you hated a home in the past? How have you resolved those feelings?
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I don’t hate my home, I just dislike it. It’s turning out to be awkward, because we saw it as a three bedroom house, but in reality, it’s a two. We are trying to have another baby, so I am wondering what we are going to do. I am always remodeling in my mind, and things that didn’t bother me when we first bought it are starting to now. We will be living here three years in November, so I feel guilty for not liking my house after such a short time, and I was the one who wanted this one the most out of others!
Isn’t it funny how we can have a tendency to be picky (or just simply want a change) once you get settled in to a home? And house hunting is tricky, because you can overlook major things when viewing a house … but then notice them once the house is your very own. I hope you’ll be able to figure out some way to juggle things around or remodel to make room for another baby!
I hate the town I live in. It’s my husband’s home -town. We made a mistake moving back here. The people are backwards and I’ve been attacked . I’m depressed all the time, The kids are grown. The house is aging and both plumbing and heating are breaking down, but the land is valuable. We could sell this place for a ton of money tomorrow and move to a very nice home someplace else. My husband doesn’t care. He likes the town more than he likes me. Therapy hasn’t helped. Guess it’s divorce. At least I’ll walk out with quite a bit of cash from the settlement…and he’ll get to happily stay in this dump without a sad companion.
Thank you for this encouragement! We’ve come to the same conclusion: 1. That feeling unsettled gives us more to look forward to in heaven, and 2. That we need to PRAY more!
What are your circumstances now? Do you feel like you’re in more of the home you wanted?
Right now, we’re in a much better home than our first one or our apartment of woe. And we absolutely love our neighbors. We’ve been here for 4 years, but my husband and I both feel unsettled here. It was the sixth house we put an offer on during our house search and the only offer to go through … there were other houses in that search we loved much more. That said, there’s nothing to complain about, and nothing inherently wrong with our house. (Although it was fine to move in to a one bathroom house before both kids were potty trained. Now that they’re bigger, we definitely are having to juggle the bathroom situation more.) For whatever reason, though, it doesn’t feel quite like home. And so we wait, until the Lord opens a door and moves us to a new chapter of our lives. (Or on to our heavenly home!)
Thank you so much for this post! Honestly when I first clicked on the link I was wallowing in my own despair about still being in the same rental now for four years after what was supposed to be a temporary home until we could purchase again. I find that I miss out on so much more time I could spend in prayer or in the Word when I’m constantly mentally redesigning this place in ways to make my life easier. By the end of reading your post, the Holy Spirit reminded me that this life is not meant to be easy (& for a good reason! … so we learn to depend on God more! ), this place is not my home & to keep my eyes fixed on heavenly things. Having recently celebrated Christmas, Jesus’ birth story is fresh on my mind. .. if Mary could be content to be riding on a donkey while in labor, unsure where or if there will be a place for her to give birth, and give birth to the MOST precious baby on all the earth in a BARN, then I should be most grateful to 1)have a place to call home (however temporary!) and 2)be content to raise my family right where we are TODAY, because only He knows where we’ll be tomorrow.
Thanks again for your faithful encouragement in an area so many of us mamas struggle! May God bless you Hilary and your family as you walk by faith in obedience to Him!
Thanks for this article, I don’t like my house anymore because it holds some very sad memories for me and things just don’t seem to progress much. I lost interest in the house when I discovered my husband was having an affair. Now that we have reconciled, I still haven’t fully embraced my home again. Any tips on how to move on?
I’m so sorry, Jo! Would an actual move be at all possible? Or majorly changing rooms?
Hi Hilary, I think it is a possibility, if we were to move it would take at least 6-8 months as we have to find a buyer etc. We have spoken about it for too long, maybe it is time to seriously put some action to it. In the meantime there have been changes with rooms but it didn’t make much difference.
Thank you so much for this encouraging reminder! My husband and I are still living in the little apartment we moved into when we got married, nearly four and a half years ago now. There is a lot that could be improved about this place–there’s no washer and dryer, no dishwasher, really old windows that aren’t energy-efficient, a very run-down hallway outside our door, and it’s 22 stairs up (a pain in the rear when hauling groceries, laundry, or anything else!).
But there is so much GOOD about this place, and we’ve just recently been able to make some improvements (with our landlords’ permission and their funding!) that helped so much. We painted the living room (FINALLY; it’s needed it badly) and recarpeted the living room (which was even a bigger need than the paint); and a room that our landlady had been using for storage has been opened up for our use and is now our master bedroom (literally twice the size of our old one which is now combination study/nursery).
There are other great things about this place: we have a huge walk-in closet with plenty of storage space; we got a brand-new stove installed just before we moved in’ our landlords replaced the kitchen and living room windows; and we LOVE the location of the apartment–very convenient to both our jobs and to school when we were both full-time students. Plus our landlords are amazing and generous, it’s quiet and private up here, and the brick wall that crumbles every so often is the first thing that gets complimented when people visit for the first time. :)
Haha, sorry this is so long–it’s good for me to take note of all our many blessings!!
I am so glad you can think about – and celebrate – the blessings of your apartment, Jaimie! Focusing on the blessings can be such a huge help when it’s tempting to dwell on the negatives. :)
Thank you for reminding me what to pray for. We lost our home after my husband was laid off. My husband, two small children and I are currently living in the living room of his aunt and uncle’s townhouse. Needless to say quarters are cramped but God has been working in me, turning my discouragement into joy as I rely totally on Him. I stopped focusing on myself and the negative aspects of our situation and started focusing on God’s love and the provision He’s made for us.
I am so sorry, Pammy. I’ll be praying for your family!
I hate my home some of the time. Part of it was how cramped it felt. It’s a double wide trailer, and my husband and I have only 2 girls, so honestly, it’s not that cramped. I have been decluttering, donating, selling things, and that certainly helps the cramped-ness. It’s amazing how much better things are when you don’t have so much stuff. Mostly why I hate my home, is because it often feels like nothing works. The roof used to leak, and after it was fixed (by fixed, I mean, the entire roof redone) we have not had enough money to replace ceiling areas where it leaked and there is mildew (or a hole where hubs stepped through). There are holes in some of the walls, the AC doesn’t work, a window is broken, the floor has mold where the washer leaked and we didn’t catch it in time. Neither the dishwasher, nor the dryer has worked for over six months, we have problems with ants and roaches, one of the doors doesn’t work right, and the carpet is so old that I can’t shampoo it because it would eat it up and then where would I be? I’m normally ok with this place, but sometimes, I think about the fact that every single one of my friends has nicer houses than I do, and that none of them could live here, and I get very discontent. Hopefully, it won’t always be like this, but even if it is, I still have a roof over my head, running water, and bathrooms. I am, I suppose, learning to be content. This post was very good for me to read. (but I still look forward to the day when I can take a wrecking ball to this house :) )
I’m so sorry, Veronica. I’ll pray that you can find contentment until you can eventually move!
I have lived in my apartment for 4 years in February and I do absolutely hate it! I was hoping to be out of here before now and with no avail the funds just aren’t there to move to anything else. I graduate from college in march with my second child on the way in a 2 bedroom and have been praying that, I’ll get a job fairly quick so moving and owning a home will be in sight. But for now I am hoping to find contentment where I am and just be thankful I have a place toI’ve because that alone is a blessing!
I certainly have struggled with contentment in my current home. I’m sure to many it would be a dream to have it – a farm with tons of acreage, a century-old farmhouse that was updated (in the 80’s & 90’s!). We’re here because we needed a bigger house, and in-laws asked us to move here (it’s their house) so they could have a granny suite and stay on their property. We’ve only been at strife with husband’s siblings (who both live far away) since doing this. Father-in-law passed last February. And the house itself needs a lot of work, and has many issues (hello tiny, dark kitchen) that make it tricky to live here with nine of us under one roof, and mother-in-law in her little suite across the driveway. I know it’s the right thing, but it’s the harder, more inconvenient, doing-this-for-them thing. I don’t hate it, but it’s far from my first choice, and contentment is hard to find. I’m ok, but kind of hoping it’s not our forever home, or that we’ll at least be able to make some changes/reno soon.
Must pray more. :) Thanks for this post.
thank you no one addresses this. i currently hate my home, i was tricked into moving here and I have to stay in this envirnoment or move to a less then desirable place. This is very helpful.
How about just being thankful you have a home and aren’t living in the street like thousands of people are who wish they could have the shelter and safety of a teeny tiny cramped apartment, and be with their family.
EXCELLENT point, Mari.
Just because some people have less does not mean others don’t have a right to their feelings. Otherwise we can tell anyone that ever experienced and complained about hardship to suck it up because someone else has it worse. I don’t think that your comment adds much and is not very helpful compassionate or empathetic. People have a right to express how they feel God does not begrudge that and instead He has compassion.
Thank you for this post. I am currently living in a home I hate. Although I already do most of what you have suggested it was nice to read and know that I am not alone.
Wow this is exactly how I have been feeling! I dont hate our house I just dislike that my husband and I kind of got the left overs. We have thw hpuse he grew up in which I love that part. Its just the fact that his siblings and his dad built a new house and we didnt have that option. I know this is the house for us amd our 4 kids but it needs a lot of work to update it and to make it our own. I am blessed to have a fun place on a farm. No where else I would want to raise my kids, however, I just hope we can male it more modern and better arranged to fit our family! I agree I need to pray more and what God wants for us will come in time. I pray for contentment and peace within myself to accept it for how it is now. Thank yoy for opening my eyes and heart to see the positives!
There are definitely parts of my home I hate and, overall, I would not choose this home again if I could go back, but I have to remind myself that God gave this house to me and wants me to use it for His glory. Also, I remind myself that there are so many people who wish for half of what I have and I could have it so much worse. God has blessed me beyond what I deserve. Counting your blessings really does change your perspective.
Oh this so me. I constantly have to remind myself at least it is a roof over our heads. Our home is our first and we bought it a decade ago. I should of known during the buying process it was not the one. We had to settle. I hate the galley style kitchen, no back door, and the fact that out basement floods during heavy rain due to poor drainage ditches and bad slopes. They built this house bad. Things are crooked, thin and weak. We do have one of the most awesome neighbors whom I will miss when we finally can upgrade. There are so many things that need to be fixed or replaced and we have become a bit cramped. We have been stuck here for ten years. And during that time we have fulfilled a long awaited dream of two children. One is 4 yrs and other is 5 mo. So as much as I can’t stand this little poorly put together box the day we say goodbye will also be a bit sad since this is my children’s first home and the beginning of their memories. Thank you for your post to help me put things in perspective.
Thank you for the article. I hate my home. The reason for that is we had many stressful times when we were renovating it. Pump guys were mistajes and there were water under our newly renovated kitchen. They did not accept it. Insurance did not cover it. We had to go to the lawyer. Sincr I live in a foreign land for me i did not know the language. My husband did not tell too much and i kept worrying all the time. I got very sick in mynpregnancy. I had anxiety and panic attacks and i blame the house allbthe time for it. It took us 4 years to renovate this house now it is very good condition but i hate it. I dont want to live in here anymore. It reminded me my sickness and only the bad memories. I want to be get out of this house but we did not get any offer so far for it. I seriously think i die in this house.
Thanks so much for this article, I found it in a google search. Biblical guidance regarding this issue was a nice surprise I had not been thinking of, I really need this. Just 3 months ago, I bought a beautiful log home on 2 acres, but I already hate it. I moved halfway across the country for a better job, which is already not working out. I came from California to Texas, which carries with it a bit of a stigma as some Texans really despise people from CA. I won this job over an under-qualified girl who had already been here for numerous years. Everyone loves her, she has one of those bubbly sparkly funny personalities which I do not. So hence my coworkers (including my boss) don’t like me, they shun me and make my job difficult. On top of this, I am all alone with no husband and no children, nor any other family or friends. So my large home and land only seems to emphasize even more how alone I am, and it is simply too much for just little me all by myself to handle. My employer pushed me into quickly making a home decision / purchase, in order to get me into the job faster. Had I had more time to think over my situation, I wouldn’t have bought a home, I would’ve just rented. But I felt so confident that God was leading me here for a reason and I was willing to make the commitment. Now I am just hoping that God will help me out of this, as I have already decided not to keep this home and job longer than I have to, or I will go insane.
Oh Melanie! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like an awful situation … moving is hard enough without the situation you’re dealing with at work. I’ll pray that things will turn around in some way, whatever it might be.
Thank you for writing this. It was much more helpful than the ridiculous Better Homes and Garden result that showed up first (add a houseplant! Put up framed pictures!)!
I’ve been aching to move for years but it doesn’t seem to be in the cards. I’m torn between praying for a miracle and accepting the situation. It’s such a miserable, stuck, feeling.
I know exactly how you feel Jenn
Yep, I’m there. My husband, three kids and I had to leave the home we loved and lived in for 16 years. It was important for us to make a new start and to be nearer to his job, a new school and church. However, we’ve gotten stuck in a rental in the same tiny community we’re leaving, an hour away from our new life. It’s like being trapped in between worlds. Sometimes it feels so unbearable, but I know it’s only for a season. Thank you so much for your post! These were words I needed.
I’m sorry you’re there right now, Becca! I guess the best news is that it’s just a season. But I’m sorry for this unbearable time. Praying you can find some peace and patience while you’re in this rental.
The best way to overcome this problem: have an attitude of gratitude! Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have a heat source? Do you have clean water? If you answered yes, than you are far more blessed than many in this world. Losing your sense of entitlement and worry about materialism and instead having an attitude of gratitude is the only good way to handle a less than ideal situation. Instead of praying for something else, thank the lord for providing what you have! You are blessed!
I have been in my current home for almost 9 years. There are six of us squeezed into an 1100sqft “box” with one bathroom. Our house sits behind a correctional facility, a malting plant, and a busy train rail. Between all the noise, our yard is continuously being burglarized. My son’s bike was actually stollen off our back patio on his birthday! Our house is old, gross, and the windows and doors are so drafty that your hair will blow when you are close to them. Our roof caved in a few years ago as the builder used the wrong size supporting beams. I often find myself sitting in the driveway in my car…not wanting to go inside. I appreciate what others have said regarding being appreciative and thankful. However, it’s hard to be thankful when you can’t have company over, including family. It’s hard to be thankful when your kids have absolutely no space to call their own. It’s hard to be thankful when you are too embarrassed to tell people where you live. It’s hard to be thankful when no one has a place to retreat to if they need some time to reflect or need a break from a sibling. Our youngest son has no bed and sleeps with a sibling, or us. Our oldest son has a traumatic brain injury and other disabilities. There are things we need for him but can’t squeeze them into this house. For example, he needs a hospital bed but it can’t fit in the bedroom. He would have to be in the living room. I find myself being consumed with anger and frustration pretty much everyday. I feel this isn’t the life I envisioned for myself. I have prayed for 9 years that God will help shine a light on our situation. I am losing faith at this point. How do you keep the faith when things just don’t get better?
I am SO sorry about your living situation, Candace! Every bit of it sounds like such an enormous challenge in patience and gratefulness. Is there any chance you can move? Since your son has a TBI, can you contact a county agency to help you find a different home that would have enough room to fit a hospital bed? The only bit of encouragement I can think of is devoting yourself to prayer … and each morning praying for the strength to deal with everything in that day. I have no idea why God has you in this spot for so long, but prayer and confiding in someone at your local church are the only two possibilities that come to mind right now.
Yes I hate my home. I’m 17 years old and we are 7 family members but my aunt lives with us with her 5 children and I’ve a grandma who also lives with us so we are 14 members living in a single house. We don’t have a big house so I have to live a suffocating life among those noisy people. My aunt’s husband is dead but she has enough money that she can afford to rent a house where she can live comfortably and his elder son is also a grown up young man who can take care of her mother and family but they decided to live with us in our little house trying to be a burden on us. My family finally accepted them but I can’t tolerate them so as a result I started to hate people around me. I’m becoming rude and depressed day by day. I can’t get sleep at night as I don’t have my personal room and people keep barging in the same room waking me up. I don’t have any kind of privacy and they keep on taking interest in my business just to make me feel pathetic and to prove me wrong. I seriously hate myself and I hate everyone. I can’t study due to noise and fights nor I can focus on my assignments and projects.
I’ve such trapped feeling like someone has put a poor insect in a downturned glass and it tries to climb the sides of the glass but it can’t, it can’t, it can’t. I feel like the same insect crawling for the sake of better life.
It’s getting harder for me to survive but still I’ve a little hope left and I’ve put my trust in God that he’ll help me.
Oh, Bella! I’m so sorry you’re in this situation! I can understand why you feel so trapped and suffocated.
A few thoughts came to mind … have you tried talking to your mom or dad about this? Maybe just by starting out with asking how much longer your aunt’s family will be with you. I’m willing to bet that just as it’s awful for you, it’s not easy for your parents to share their space, either. And I think they need to hear your perspective.
Also, if this situation will really be long-term, can you start using this time to figure out what you’d like to do next year? I’m guessing that you’ll graduate once you’re 18 … where can you go and what can you do once you graduate? If you use this time right now to plan your next step, it might make the miserable time go by quicker. Plus, you’ll be better prepared if you decide to move out on your own next year, whether you go to college or get a job. Of course it won’t make right now any easier. But it might be helpful to see that there could be a light at the end of the tunnel.
One final thought … is there somewhere else you can go to study or for some silence? Is there a library nearby? Even though you wouldn’t be at home, you could get a little quiet time to think.
I’ll be praying that God will help you through this, too!
you are so loving. I wish i could get a sister like you Hilary.
I needed this so much. We have been in our first home (first ever purchase) in a new city for a few days now, and I am miserable and am planning an exit strategy within a few years if possible. There is unanticipated road noise every morning and evening (road is blocked by large trees and another home, but you can still hear cars stopping and starting), and we used incorrect information when looking at the area and schools, and now I feel sick, foolish, and deeply confused and regretful, as I feel I made an uncharacteristic decision. The house itself is alright-we believed it was the best we could do at the time. My husband has accepted it, but my heart is broken that our first house together is tinged with regret. My consolation has been prayer that God’s goal in this will be revealed. I have seen him working in the process already, but I am still very angry. On Friday I will begin seeing a Christian therapist because my regret has been consuming me and I need guidance. Thank you for this perspective and reminder that God is here through it all—and this world is not our home.
I needed this. Currently in my husband and I’s first home purchase and I hate it. I had just had a baby and my husband found this two flat in the city. I saw it once and while I was in a sleep deprived state of mind. He had already put an offer in, etc. It is dark and cold. We have a tenant above us and we share the back yard, the entryway and back stairs. She can see right through our windows when she’s walking to backyard. My husband chose the tenant as well. She has a 8 year old that is out of control and makes such loud noises above us and a large dog. Our downstairs is like a cold dungeon where my daughters room is. Prior to purchasing a 2 flat and agreeing to be landlords, I agreed to it, if there were kids that we meet them (I never meet the current kid), that we wouldn’t rent to anyone with a large dog, and the house that we live in has to have light. All of this things I feel were t listened too and my husband just makes the decision. I hate it. I despise the tenant for no fault of her own but the simple fact that it has caused me and husband to fight more than ever. I am not use to sharing a yard, a house, or being on the bottom unit. I feel that we have no privacy when the windows are open and if I do open them, there’s no light anyways due to the top unit blocking the sun. There’s no space to play with my daughter and it’s the worst at being a stay at home mom in Chicago in a dark cold house. I don’t want to get out of bed sometimes.
I had a big beautiful home-my dream home really. But…I was in an abusive marriage. And I found myself hating that home. By the grace of God I was able to get out of that marriage. I found a small mobile home for my children and I and that was home sweet home. My children and I finally had peace.
Thanks for sharing everyone. Found this out of desperation searching for a way to get out of current house. We live in the most expensive housing market in the US. We knew we had to compromise to buy a house here, but I now know we compromised too much. The house is on a very busy corner. I was under the impression that we could build a fence, but local ordinances changed and now we can’t. It feels like it’s not worth renovating inside because we will only lose the money because no one in their right mind would buy this house. So I don’t see a way to improve. I can forget about it but have a constant feeling of failure and regret, and it has been two years of this…
I thank God for connecting me to this Christian site as I am a Pastor’s wife and my job relocated us as well. We prayed and knew this was God. But what happened to me is that I had a dream house that I picked out prior to relocating, we went in it twice and the owners would not sell to us.
So time was ticking and we ended up buying a house that we had to fix up. I didn’t mind but would have preferred to fix up the dream house I saw. I guess I felt that I didn’t listen to God because after we entered into contract my dream house was back on market and I didn’t pursue it. I’ve been blaming my husband because I asked him and he said that our furniture won’t fit so I didn’t call. It’s going on 3 years and I can’t shake this feeling of wanting that dream house. The man in it doesn’t plan on moving anytime soon. I have so much to be thankful for and realize how blessed I am and I know God is with me and there is a reason for everything even though I don’t understand right now. I’m in much prayer because our neighbors are great, the Lord has given us the funds to remodel and we get many compliments on before and after of our home. I’m glad I was able to share and hopefully one day will move on from wanting my dream home to being content in the home God gave me.