Enjoying the Victory of Retreat
I couldn’t take any more.
After a particularly exhausting season of busyness and burnout, overcommitment and overwhelm, I hit my breaking point. For a while I sensed it was coming, but kept pressing on anyway, determined to juggle all the balls thrown into my life: Family, home, church, and so much work, work, work.
For months I felt it all piling up, but if I could just shift a little here or twist a little there, everything might work out. Yet after weeks of staying up long into the night to try to make a dent in my never-ending to-do list, I knew I desperately needed a break.
I knew all the truth in Psalm 127:2: ”It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep” (ESV). The problem was I wasn’t living it out.
As a result I kept weighing my responsibilities and commitments, talking matters over with a life coach and commiserating with friends. I knew that what I needed to do in this current season actually was exactly what I felt called to do. Quitting wasn’t an option, because I already quit everything that was non-essential.
So at my breaking point, I did the only thing that came to mind: I booked a personal retreat.
Planning a personal retreat
A couple of friends described their own personal retreats over the years—one rented a home as a birthday gift to herself and spent the day (not even overnight) sitting in a stranger’s house all alone just so she could hear herself think. Another friend spent hours alone at a coffee shop, just praying and planning.
I decided to use a night at a hotel that I had been gifted. Originally I intended to share my gift with my family, but I knew the bigger gift to them would be a wife and mom who wasn’t melting down under pressure.
As I shared the news of my upcoming getaway with friends, they were intrigued. What would I do with all of my time? Would I listen to music? Binge watch a television show? Read a book? Sleep?
Truly, I wasn’t sure what I’d do, so I packed all the things I imagined I might need: books I’d wanted to read, blank journals, my Bible, a blanket, portable speaker, cozy pajamas, and my favorite snacks.
Taking time away
On the way to the hotel, I grabbed my dinner to-go, then checked in. Here I was, almost 50 years old, and I had never stayed in a hotel room by myself before. Frankly, I always felt a little nervous to travel alone, but I was so tired, so worn out, so ready for this time away from everyday life that I finally embraced my independence without a second thought.
I checked in, walked into my room, set my overnight bag down, and felt a flood of relief wash over me. After peeking at the view from the window and texting my family that I made it safely, I dropped to my knees at the bedside and surrendered the time to the Lord.
Unsure of what to do now that I finally was alone, I changed into comfy clothes, pulled the room’s cozy armchair near a table, and stacked my books close by. It was time to sit down and relax. I was most surprised that my body felt sore, like I suddenly had been freed from carrying a very heavy weight. So I sat, in silence, feeling like I had worked every muscle in my body to the point of overexertion.
The satisfaction of silence and solitude
The next three hours felt more like three minutes as I continued to sit in silence, soaking in God’s Word and journaling everything that caught my attention.
I entered this time with only the hope of refreshing myself. I never expected the Lord would lead me to truth after truth about the way He would provide strength.
Spending my time in the Psalms, I quickly detected one message that was repeated time and time again: by waiting on the Lord, He would strengthen me.
I wept as I remembered how I chose to meditate on the truth of Isaiah 40:31 earlier in the week: “They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint” (ESV).
Here I was, choosing to intentionally rest in solitude and seek the Lord, and He blessed me with reminders like the one in Psalm 31:24: “Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!” (ESV).
The rest of my night flew by in silence and rest, and by the time I crawled into bed, I felt satisfied. I hadn’t known what to expect, but personally retreating into a time of solitude with the Lord was rejuvenating. Finally I felt rested from the inside out.
When I left the next morning, I was amazed at what twenty hours away from home, all by myself, could do to refresh my spirit. I felt renewed. I felt rested. I felt ready to return to my everyday life.
By taking time away to wait on the Lord in silence and solitude, He surprised me by using my personal retreat to gently renew my strength.
Do you need to take a personal retreat? What can you begin to do today to make it happen?
Want to ponder this a bit more? Read A Brilliant But Hard Way to Relax and Relieve Stress.
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