Wonder how you can show kindness and respect to your husband? Trying these 8 everyday suggestions may help a lot …
Wives, as much as you love your husbands, showing kindness and respect every day can be a challenge.
You may not always feel like it. He may not seem worthy of your kindness or respect. You may be preoccupied with a million other things. You might be worn out after a hard day of work. It just might slip your mind.
And even if you aren’t regularly showing kindness or respect to your husband, he may not mention anything. In fact, he may be too preoccupied to notice.
Yet once you start making an effort, you’ll notice a difference.
A huge bonus is that once your husband feels respected – and kindness is cultivated in your home – your marriage will thrive. Not only will your husband feel loved and appreciated, but you’ll also reap a great reward as he begins to act on your good attitude.
I’ve found that by remembering and attempting 8 everyday things, I’m more likely to show kindness and respect to my husband.
8 Everyday Ways to Show Kindness and Respect to Your Husband
1. Pray for him.
Have you watched the movie War Room yet? You should. And you should mirror the movie’s ideas and start praying for your husband each day.
Pray for his work, for his relationships, for his attitude and moods, for his future, for his integrity, and for his walk with God. Keep praying.
2. Look him in the eye.
Busy married couples often struggle to find time just to talk. When you do get moments together – whether it’s at the dinner table, on the couch, or when he walks through the door – look your husband in the eye as he’s talking with you.
It’s far too easy to focus on whatever other task you’re concentrating on at the moment – whether it’s checking something online, watching TV, or your noisy kids. Stop what you’re doing and give your husband your full attention. Let him know he has your full attention by looking him in the eye. He will value knowing that you’re listening and are interested in what he is saying, instead of feeling like you’re fitting him in between social media or your to-do list.
3. Pay attention to his needs.
When you get wrapped up in your own life, or your children’s needs, it’s easy to brush your husband away as you think that he’s an adult and can take care of himself. While he is an adult and can take care of himself, part of your job as a wife is to be his helper and completer.
As 1 Corinthians 11:9 reminds us, “for indeed man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake.” Like it or not, when you said “I do,” you were promising to help your husband.
While I’m not advocating that you do every single thing for your husband like he is your child, I am encouraging you not to ignore him. Sometimes, he needs you. Isn’t that a good thing? (And isn’t that part of the reason you pursued marriage?)
One way I do this is to actually ask my husband what I can do to make his day or week easier. Most days he has no requests – but every now and then, making a phone call, checking something online, or returning the library books ends up being a huge help. It takes very little time for me, but helps him.
4. Remember what he likes.
Think back to your dating days – did you try to learn all you could about your sweetheart? Did you memorize some of his favorite things so you could dote on him?
Remember these things – and surprise him with special treats, whether it’s an unexpected carton of his favorite flavor of ice cream, or playing one of his favorite albums. It’s just a little touch, but communicates that you’re thinking of him.
5. Be his cheerleader, not his critic.
As you well know, this world is filled with critics and cynics. Your husband likely feels attacked all day, every day – you probably do, too.
As much as possible, don’t add to his frustration by greeting him with a huge list of criticisms and ways he needs to change. Of course there’s a time and place for loving correction – but wait for the right opportunity.
Instead, be his cheerleader. Encourage him with your words and actions.
6. Thank him.
Most likely, your husband does a lot of good things – and he may even be making big sacrifices for you and your family. Thank him for those things – whether it’s working hard, or helping around the house, or taking care of the baby. Even if he’s your equal partner in life and you think he should do those things, thank him anyway. Everyone likes to feel appreciated.
7. Figure out his love language – and speak it.
While Dr. Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages book is great, it’s also important to figure out what sorts of things communicate love in your home.
Your husband may prefer a home that’s picked up each day. Maybe he comes home from work hungry and would love a hot meal. Maybe he’s happy with a day to himself every few weeks. Maybe he longs for a haven. Maybe he just wants to sleep in every now and then.
Know what makes your husband tick and then make his life a little more pleasant by indulging him.
8. Try to put your own neediness aside.
Everyone’s needy – needy for love, needy for attention, needy for appreciation. As you’re trying to treat your husband with more kindness and respect, it will be very tempting to dwell on yourself. Don’t.
It will certainly feel like a challenge when you’re tired after a long, hard day and would love for someone to lighten your load. Your husband may help out – be sure to thank him and count yourself blessed.
But if he doesn’t do as much as you’d like, first try communicating what would be helpful. As much as you may have dreamed you’d marry your soul mate, your husband is just a man – not a mind reader, not your savior.
Remember that you’re honoring the Lord by honoring your husband. And ultimately, you’ll be giving an account of your life to Him. (Your husband will, too.)
While you need love and respect and kindness just like your husband, try to focus less on yourself and your own needs and more on your spouse. Sure it will seem uncomfortable at times, and you’ll be confronted with your own selfishness. But choose the kind and gracious approach.
Love your husband like you want to be loved and he just might follow suit. You may even end up trying to outdo each other in love. As Romans 12:10 encourages, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”
Treat your husband with kindness and respect – and over time, you just may be surprised with what happens.
How do you treat your husband with kindness and respect? What works best in your marriage?
After watching what has worked – and what hasn’t – in my grandparents’55-year marriage, my parents’44-year marriage, and my own 14-year marriage (along with countless other marriages of friends and family members), I’m happy to share what I’ve learned through The Faithful Wife, in the hope of helping other marriages.
Ultimately, the goal of The Faithful Wife is to help Christian wives build up their marriages so they’re satisfying and glorifying to God. If you’re ready to start building up your own marriage, the next session of this 2-week eCourse starts soon!
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed counselor – just a happily married wife and journalist. If you are in any sort of an abusive marriage or relationship, seek professional help immediately. If you feel your marriage is troubled, please seek professional help.
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All images courtesy of Pixabay.